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September 10, 2024

Watching: F-Zero ~ Falcon Densetsu
Eating: Cereal
Drinking: Water
Feeling: anxious and stressed as hell

nope. today was, in fact, not better. i'd argue today was actually WORSE. i won't go into specifics, but there is something REALLY stressful going on in my family right now. that's all i'll say about that right now, but god damn it, i hope everything starts calming down soon. it feels like it's just been one day of Murphy's law after another.

September 9, 2024

Drinking: Dr. Pepper
Feeling: Neutral

I HAVE RETURNED FROM MY IMPROMPTU ALMOST-FIVE-DAY-LONG HIATUS (which TOTALLY wasn't caused by me booting back into Windows 7 to do game stuff and then putting off booting back into Linux, nope, not at all, I have no idea what you're talking about)

Honestly, not a lot happened while I was away, except for today. One of the tires on my brother's car ended up popping while he was out getting lunch earlier today, and he ended up hitting a road sign. Thankfully, he's okay (just REALLY shaken up, which is COMPLETELY understandable), and the only damage his car took was the rim on the tire that popped. Both he and my mom are gonna be heading out early tomorrow morning for a couple things. A: To pick up a new rim, and B: To replace all of the tires on his car, so that HOPEFULLY, something like this doesn't happen again (at least, not in the near future).

Meanwhile, on the more mundane side of things, the walk I went on earlier today was probably the worst one I've had in a while. For context: Without giving out anything specific, I live in a LAUGHABLY small town in the middle of nowhere, and we have dirt roads surrounding the town that I like to go for walks on. WELL, on today's walk, an older guy ended up driving by me REALLY slowly on said dirt roads, so THAT drove up my anxiety. After he drove off, I figured I'd just walk in the fields for a bit to try and get off the roads. Only problem with that was there were grasshoppers literally EVERYWHERE. I cannot STAND grasshoppers (really, that goes for most bugs in general), and TONS of them were jumping into me, so that did nothing but overstimulate the HELL out of me. So, I eventually just said "screw it" and got back on the dirt roads... AND THEN I SAW SOMEONE GETTING PULLED OVER BY THE COPS. EVEN MORE ANXIETY.

By the time I got back into town, there were WAY more people out and about than I thought there would be, and after taking SEVERAL detours to try and avoid them (because A: I was wearing a more feminine outfit, complete with breast forms, and B: I'm PRETTY sure the town I live in is made up entirely of Trump supporters, I'm sure you can put two and two together), I just said "FUCK it" and started walking on the railroad tracks on the outer edge of town. It's honestly really sad that I feel safer walking on a goddamn railroad track than I do walking on the sidewalks in town.

HOWEVER, this is where the best part of my walk happened: I FOUND A TURTLE ON THE RAILROAD! I LOVE TURTLES! Normally (and sadly), any animals I end up seeing on/near the railroad are dead, BUT NOT THIS TIME! I moved the turtle off of the tracks so it wouldn't be hit by any trains that might've passed by later, and finally got home after even MORE detours.

All in all, barring my encounter with that adorable little turtle, today was NOT great. Here's to hoping tomorrow's better!

September 4, 2024

Listening to: my cover of ACDC Town from Mega Man Battle Network lmao
Watching: Markiplier's Five Nights at F**kboy's series
Drinking: Water
Feeling: it is a mystery

So, since it's taking so long for me to actually start the F-Zero LP (which honestly just comes down to me being lazy lol), I think I might try something else to get me to finally start voice training more: Doing voiceovers of memes! I already love voice acting, so doing it to help with voice training seems like a logical decision to me!

Also, on a more serious note, legitimate question in regards to what I'm listening to in this post: Is it weird - or bad - that I actually like some of my music? Like, I am genuinely REALLY proud of some of my music, and I actually REALLY enjoy listening to some of it. But there's always something in the back of my mind that's like "ayo that's kinda egotistical ngl", and I just. I dunno. I guess it doesn't help that I grew up around a father who is egotistical as FUCK (and my family and I still have to share the same roof with him for the time being), so I'm always afraid of whether or not I'm being egotistical about stuff, not the least of which being the stuff I've made. So when I make a song or cover that I end up really liking, I can never tell if it's because it lives up to the standards I've set for myself, or if it's something ego-driven. And honestly, now I'm wondering if those aren't one and the same, now that I'm actually typing this out.

Then again, maybe I'm just overthinking it. Artists are ABSOLUTELY allowed to like their own work, and they're allowed to be proud of what they've made. So I know that, realistically, the same would apply to me. Maybe it's just circumstances and high expectations for myself clouding my judgement, I dunno.

September 1, 2024

Watching: Markiplier's Five Nights at F**kboy's series
Eating: Beef bulgogi
Drinking: Water
Feeling: heck if i know lmao

So, uhh... either I am a complete heckin' dunce, or emulators are REALLY difficult to set up on Linux. And I'm willing to bet actual money that it's the former and not the latter, because I'm still a complete newcomer to Linux. So until I can get things figured out, I think I'll just stick to booting back into Windows for gaming stuff (and also recording gaming stuff), and leave internet stuff to Linux.

Though speaking of Linux and gaming stuff, I ended up exporting a Linux version of my prototype platformer because A: why not, and B: I wanted to see if it would actually work, and umm... I'm starting to learn that I'm WAY too easily impressed, because the Linux version worked without any issues! And that honestly amazed me, even though it PROBABLY shouldn't have lmao